My Spouse and I Have Nothing in Common

All you could think about when you first got married was how amazing and special your partner was. It may not be easy to admit but somehow that changed over time. The excitement you once felt about finding the right person and making plans for the future dissipated.

Now you realize that the two of you have zero to talk about and resentments spurred by thoughts like “my spouse and I have nothing in common” creep into your head, causing you to second guess your feelings and plans for the future. Thoughts of divorce cross your mind.

Doing more together

What do you do when you begin noticing that you’re growing apart from your spouse?

To begin with, acknowledge that it’s normal and that you’re not the first couple to go through this nor will you be the last. There are times where you may find it difficult to connect with your spouse because your way of connecting changes as you pass through the seasons of life.

Take stock of where your time and mental energy is going. If your brain is focused elsewhere it can feel like you’re lacking common interests when the reality is you’re not enjoying the time you spend together because you’re not fully present to enjoy it.

Being willing to make the necessary changes to ensure that your relationship is a priority, you may rediscover all the reasons you wanted to get married in the first place. In addition, by committing to learning new things about your spouse and taking the initiative to talk, you may avoid feeling bored with them.

Instead of making value judgments about the differences between you focus on loving what makes each of you, you. Approaching the relationship with a ‘my way is better’ attitude inevitably contributes to arguing and fighting. Instead consider the ways that your partner’s differences are not only endearing but beneficial to the state of your marriage.

Also, doing more together and trying to accomplish tasks as a team can be helpful. The key is to get a better understanding of your spouse by actively listening and participating in things together, so try to plan and do some everyday activities as a couple.

It’s remarkable how shared experiences of giving can help you remember what truly matters in life and serve as a reminder for how much more you can accomplish together than you can apart. A rising tide lifts all ships, so coming together and deciding what you can get involved in as a team to be of service can strengthen your marriage.

Be willing to try new things! Doing the same old things forever isn’t going to work. Be explorative and open to new experiences, and don’t get discouraged by the hits and misses along the way.

As much as possible, look for ways to support your other half in their endeavors and applaud what they are good at. It’s not unusual that their strengths attracted you to them in the first place especially when their strengths are not ones you possess. Show admiration, encouragement and excitement as you watch them work in their strongest areas.

Finally, discuss your concerns and don’t shut each other down. It’s easy to harbor resentment and start viewing your spouse as the problem. If you train your brain not to think of yourself or your spouse as the issue and can see this as an issue that “we” will work through, you will feel like you are growing together. Instead of looking for a way out, look for what you have in common and you will find it.

Moving on when it’s right

Moving on can be scary whether you find yourself thinking about divorce after 1 year of marriage or after decades. You want to do what is best for everyone involved. However, with nothing in common, you may find yourself losing interest in your spouse. If you feel you can no longer remain married to someone with whom you share no common interests there is an affordable divorce alternative available.

At Green Giraffe Legal, our paralegals and legal assistants are able to support you in the preparation of all necessary court documents in most routine family law proceedings. All of our final marital settlement agreements are reviewed by attorneys so you can navigate the process with full confidence. To learn more about affordable divorce options available, contact us today!